Juvieee

2007-05-06T21:14:00.000+08:00

Numerous times I've reiterated the futility of words, these useless tools, an impediment to potray emotions, express muses as transparent as you'll like, and this is one of the times.

I would attempt, but right now the brutal process I know will overwhelm and consume me into a deeper abyss of torment, already I am bleeding, within and without, incessantly.

I've been wondering how you managed to change my heartbeat again. I don't like being influenced, thus I've always loathed people who influenced me. I hate you influencing my heartbeat, getting into my vision and affecting my thoughts. Tell me how I can stop you from influencing my mind, how I can stop my mind from thinking about you.

I cannot conceive why loving someone to the point where you refuse to give up on the former, will equate to digging one's own grave, leading to exploitation of the soul so deeply, with not the slightest bit of remorse; such terrifying abuse.

Bestow upon me the skills, the delicate art of staying alive, when most of the time, you feel like you're bleeding to death. Sometimes I really feel like unleashing the fury, the vengeance, most of all the hurt and end it all by stabbing you to allow you to maybe comprehend a tenth of my pain. Then I'll stab myself for being such a fool for you, now and then.

I hate you. I really hate you, because you don't even give me a chance to forget you.

Even in slumber I get no peace.

For you,
I would've been foolish too.
I would've blinded myself to your visible flaws, deafened myself to protective protests of others.
Cherished and loved you tenderly.

My all,
Asking for naught, not status, nor your fidelity.
Regardless of the pain and hurt you would've inflicted, I wanted nothing more than your love, in return.

My wild child,
So forget, so forget me.
Don't think back, don't think back on me at all.
If that is what makes you happy.
Don't think, just stab.

2007-05-04T12:01:00.000+08:00

Good morning starshine, the Earth says HELLO!

2007-04-07T17:55:00.000+08:00

you said hello, inside i'm screaming i love you,
you say goodnight, in my mind i'm sleeping next to you.

2007-04-07T17:39:00.000+08:00

Been blogging much lesser than usual these days, no?

Sometimes, it takes nothing more than a few matter of fact statements to jolt someone (in this case, me) to my senses.

Maybe it didn't help me gain enlightment, but it is sticking around in my mind.

"Life is great for me. I've never been more happy and satisfied than now. What about you? Still emo-ing around?"

No? You sure? Haha. When even an acquaintance knows all you pretty much do is emo around.

"I think there's no secret to happiness. It all boils down to contentment and cherishing whatever that we have now. Life is short, so why not live your days as happy as possible instead of dwelling on the bitter issues?"

Contentment and cherishing what we have.

Yeah but if we go about this theory, living days happy, then why do we bother working/studying at all? Why don't we bum around living in an extended state of idyllic-ness, then die when you run out of money?

Make sense huh.

Jealousy will gnaw relentlessly to the very core of your heart, never stopping till it's hollow.

Envy kills. Remember that.

2007-03-18T21:04:00.000+08:00

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't always mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child and you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much so you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure you really are strong, you really do have worth and you learn and you learn with every goodbye, you learn.

"A failing love is like desperately holding on to something precious, not wanting to give it up, even when your hands feel the pain. And when you finally let go, you're free of the pain but your hands become empty."

2007-03-17T13:07:00.000+08:00

Had the sudden urge to revamp my hair, gave green light to my hairstylist to snip a few inches off my brown mane. Still struggling to accept the new hairdo, but i do fancy the new look. Long hair suits me better still, but trying out something new doesn't hurts.

2007-03-14T19:26:00.000+08:00

Long, but if you're interested, it might give you a brighter insight of my innerworld.

I once thought depression was the part of my character that made me worthwhile. I once thought so little of myself, felt that I had such scant offerings to give to the world, that the one thing that justified my existence at all was my agony.

Sometimes I think that I was forced to withdraw into depression because it was the only rightful protest I could throw in the face of the world that said it was alright for people to come and go as they please, that there were simply no real obligations left.

Certainly deceit and treachery in both romantic and political relationships is nothing new, but at one time, it was bad, callous, and cold to hurt somebody. Now it's just the way things go, part of the growth process.

I start to think there really is no cure for depression, that happiness is an ongoing battle, and I wonder if it isn't one I'll have to fight for as long as I live. I wonder if it's worth it.

That's the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it's impossible to ever see the end. The fog is like a cage without a key.

Starving, but I can't work up the strength to eat.
Exhausted, but I can't seem to fall asleep.

I'll need to kick the bucket a million times more, before I'll learn to kick the habit.

2007-03-08T00:22:00.000+08:00

One night, the moon whispered to me,
"If he makes you cry, will you leave him?"
I replied,
"Moon, will you ever leave your sky?"

2007-03-02T21:53:00.000+08:00

Forgiving a wrong done and forgetting a hurt inflicted, two beautiful virtues that thankfully survived, two millennia since Jesus Christ.

Deceit, Betrayal, Infidelity cuts deeper than the sharpest knife, and though it doesn't show, the wound's bleeding and hurting more than you can ever conceive.

But guess what? After the curtains fall, and the truth comes to light, I still can't let go.

The first betrayal is the hardest.
The first cut is the deepest.

Extensive moments of emo-ness, yet again.

2007-03-01T13:07:00.000+08:00

There is always someone closest to you at a point of time, someone random.
Someone who is alike in so many ways that you'll be surprised, almost a duplicate.
Someone so trustworthy and dear.
Someone who thinks your thoughts and speaks your words.
Someone you wouldn't think of not making you smile, not to mention hurting you.
Someone who will fight for the good of your name even if it means forsaking his/her reputation.
Someone whose beliefs are of your wavelength and always knows what is on your mind.
Someone who you can sms 24/7 and fall asleep on the phone together with.
Someone who shares your pet peeves and darkest secrets.
Someone who finishes up the remaining half of your food.
Someone who always chases after you when you walk away.
Someone who is willing to do anything just to make sure that you're okay.
The very someone you've shared your dreams, cries and laughter with.

He/she stood by you through winds and storms.
Held your hands tight and guide you through the hardest point in time.
Even when the rest of the world has given up.
A genuine God's gift.
And just when you thought you're so thankful to have that someone around and that life is getting better,he/she stabbed you real hard on the back, not once but repeatedly.
And so suddenly.
You bleed to near death, he/she doesn't care no more.
It makes you go through sleepless nights and unsettling days just to figure out what you've done to deserve this unjust, feeling sorry for yourself and nursing the wound.

Your guardian angel, the last person that will have ill-intentions towards you, shot an arrow right through your heart.

How will you feel?

This is the most ultimate betrayal.

Why do we always have to suffer at the expense of someone's else insecurities and jealousy? Its just one thin line between friend and foe.

No matter how much you trust someone,certain things are better off zip-up.

Looking back then, it was really a shame. Yet overtime, my resentment and disappointment towards you have diminished to almost a naught. Still, im thankful to have you as a friend once. So please, warn your warmth to turn away. Like now.

2007-02-26T15:20:00.000+08:00

THE KEYS TO MY HEART

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was arrogant, acting like the dictator of your life.

Your ideal relationship is traditional. Without saying anything, both of you communicate with your hearts.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

2007-02-12T21:46:00.000+08:00

What my name means:

J:Lives life for fun
U:Really like to chill
V:Not judgemental
I:Loyal to those you love
N:Dead sexy
A:Likes to drink

N:Dead sexy
G:Never let people tell you what to do

Im double dead sexy.

2007-02-07T12:03:00.000+08:00

Cher with me, on the Birthday.
Long out-dated.
But a nice picture, still.

2007-02-07T11:31:00.000+08:00

I once read this quote from somewhere, "Don't blame yourself, cause you've lived your life the best you could. Nobody sets out to ruin their own life". Sadly, or maybe simply pathetically, that's not true in my case. I think my subconciousness is deliberately setting out to sabotage and wrecking any good thing in my life.

I tried to explain this point to some people once, I don't know if they really got my drift, though. Maybe I'm too self-centered to truly believe anyone can fully understand my train of thought, and what I go through as I walk through the daily routine of my life.

In the past, before any phonecalls. I used to mus in my head. "I'm too hard on him. I expect perfection when I already have one of the best boyfriends around. How can I be so overbearing, when my temperament makes me further from the fragments of perfection that I myself seek. I'm such a difficult girlfriend, I have trust issues and terrible mood swings, and he becomes the unwitting catalyst and victim alike, of everything. Okay I'll tell him how wonderful he is later."

And the very next moment I contradict myself and everything I was planning by demanding a break-up. Then I'll go listen to the most emo songs on my playlist and cry like my life depended on it. I'm consistently doing this, not only to one, but a few out there. Sadly, we are what we repeatedly do. I'm such a sucker I know.

Emo 1000000 years. Haven't heard this from me for awhile huh, people?

Say goodnight and go.

2007-02-03T12:13:00.000+08:00

Happy 19th Birthday for me at Sizzler.

Stephy & I.

With the guys.

The birthday girl.

The guys MADE this for me.
Best birthday present one can get.

2007-01-31T22:55:00.000+08:00

Witnessed the aftermath of a fatal accident.
Life is so fragile.
Like a candle in the wind.
You'll never know when it'll cease.
Nor when a wind will blow it out.

2007-01-31T12:06:00.001+08:00

counting down to the birthday. yay!

2007-01-30T07:31:00.000+08:00

Confession of a mother

'Abortion appeared to be the only answer. I was told the procedure would be quick and safe, allowing me to continue my activities the next day. I told the nurse I didn’t think I could go through with it. She held my hand, telling me it would be over soon. Before I could reply, the suction machine was turned on, causing tremendous pain. I was frightened, it hurted so much. I wanted to scream. I wanted it to stop. I suddenly knew there was a baby inside. They were killing my baby! Limping to the recovery room I felt nauseated, weak and defeated. I couldn’t stop crying. My life was irreversibly changed at that moment. I cried for days and weeks, eventually years. I felt so dirty, so guilty, so unworthy to live. I could have died from the operation and that my future ability to carry a baby full term had been lessened. I proceeded to the restroom and filled the toilet with blood. I was very scared. I knew this was not normal. I knew my periods weren’t like this. The cramping was excruciating. The bleeding got worse. I believe now when I look back, I was hemorrhaging. I had blood clots the size of grapefruit. I bled like that for two more days. I would end up sobbing in a corner, fearful I was going crazy. It culminated one evening when I tried to cut my wrists with a broken plate. This desperate act scared me into getting help. My deep pain about the unnecessary death of a child, my child. It was like reading an obituary. I’d close my eyes and see this tiny helpless little baby peacefully floating in amniotic fluid, did it struggle, did it die quickly? Or perhaps even cry? My eldest daughter’s response, "Mom, you knew I always wanted an older brother or sister, so why did you kill them?" I, myself, had no answer. Through counseling I let go of my anger and accepted the forgiveness that Jesus offers. Months later I forgave myself and began to mourn the loss of my child. I really thought I loved the baby’s father but I don’t know if I was just with him because I was desperate for someone to love. He wanted a sexual relationship and I just gave in thinking I could handle it, but I couldn’t. After the abortion I just didn’t feel the same about him anymore. He wanted to continue to have sex and I was in too much pain (emotionally). We stopped seeing each other and when I did see him he would curse me out and call me a "baby killer". But there will come a time when you will regret not knowing the joy of raising your child. There is always a reminder of what kind of person your child would have been. Now that I think about it, it really was a selfish choice.'

*To the aborted babies out there, God loves you more than he loves us. He takes you into his arm sooner than he takes us. Not giving you a chance to live life but freeing you from all the pain and sufferings of this dark and cold world.

'Experience' is merely a nicer name we give to our mistakes.
Reminisce the past and redeem your sins.

Abortion should be BANNED like now.

2007-01-29T22:31:00.000+08:00

From as far back as my mind can travel in rewind, I've always had a soft spot for beautiful proses, flowery English language.

The digestion of two such blogs by acquaintances served as welcoming surprises.

Sadly, they directed the realisation that two lovebirds, though both pawns going through the monotonity of everyday life, akining their situation to one being the Northpole, and the other the South.

Opposites attract.

But what happens when the magnetic field wears out?

2007-01-27T22:16:00.000+08:00

The silence I once find so comforting is stifling, it's suffocating.

Surfing friendster for awhile reduced me to feeling close to a worthless pool of too much mass. Has my self estemn hit an all time low? I wonder.

I miss The People. I feel like I've been absent so long, I've been forgotten. I've always secretly prided myself on having depth in my soul, but perhaps I am shallow, I am superficial after all? Could it be the popularity I surreptitiously miss, and yearn?

I'm whining. Yes I'm rambling ranting senselessly. I don't know why I'm complaining. Maybe I just feel lonely. Maybe it's my own fault for alienating the rest and choosing to live in my own little world. But for now, I don't have a choice, for those who know what I mean.

Life's like this. Who ever said anything about life being good?

Last night, or was it the night before last, for the first time in the longest while yet, I dreamt of you. I didn't hate you, not even close. Unbelievable, inconcievable. And smiling, I opened my eyes and learnt the terrible but indubitable truth, it was but a dream. One full month, deems forgiveness perhaps.

I could read your hostility across the road as clear as a book. It's over, OVER. And believe it or not, I know I'm the best thing you never had and will never have.

2007-01-26T23:45:00.000+08:00

I was on the wrong train but on the right track.
Or was i actually on the right train but wrong track?

2007-01-24T20:18:00.000+08:00

You know what true friends are?

True friends are people who you can turn to in times of need, and never abandon you or make you feel anything less than special.

True friends don't tell you "You threw me aside for your boyfriend, sorry, I'm busy with my own life now".

The more vocal ones complain of their pique, of course and others choose to smile it off, concealing their hurt caused by the drift apart.

No permanent resentment, or maliciousness from them, none at all.

True friends, you guys know who you are, and maybe others I haven't discovered yet. Im glad you guys are still around. :)

2007-01-23T20:47:00.001+08:00

Some issues, are simply too private to share, on this online haven, a sanctuary that I no longer trust, with tales too close to heart to divulge. Personal weakness should be masked, veiled, hidden deep within, in a bottomless pool that I wonder, whether someday, someone will care enough to take the plunge into the terrifying unknown.

2007-01-22T22:10:00.000+08:00

Don't assume im heartless.
Just because you don't see my heart.
The fact is that it has been torn beyond recognition.
Don't question me.
You know you shouldn't.
Up, sides and down.
All i see is darkness.
All i hear is silence.
All i feel is emptiness.
If only you know how it feels to be me.
You'll probably have died a million deaths.
To those i've forsaked and taken granted.
Im sorry.
But please spare me from these pain and agony.
Though im still proud to annouce.
Now im stronger.
Much stronger.
Than yesterday.

2007-01-21T21:09:00.000+08:00

'Sam, Jess and I were eating 'ice sticks' at the void deck today. We played with Cherry (Sam's dog which almost got ran over today). Then Sam attempted to teach Jess to cycle while I watched the kids playing at the playground. We felt like little kids, but all had fun.'

Picturing the aboved scene at this juncture, I can't help wondering when was the last time I was this happy. Its the little things in life that matter. I remembered dying to grow up when I was a kid. But if im given a choice right now, I'll rather go back in time to my childhood. Times when watching cartoon was a bliss and doing homework was a chore with life revolving around family, school, ballet, swimming and friends.

Now I guess I fully comprehend what it means by 'A moment of folly can bring you a lifetime of regrets'. And always fend for yourself cause no others will, I seriously hold this belief. And the only reason behind is that this has been proven right umpteenth times, okay perhaps ALL the time.

Only enemies speak the truth. Friends and lovers lie endlessly, caught in the web of duty.

*THANK YOU SO MUCH SAM & JESS! I don't know where I'll be right now if not for you both. Minus the occasional bickering and mushiness in front of me, im really glad seeing you both so happily together. :)

2007-01-20T01:26:00.000+08:00

Over time, my resentment for some people has faded to naught, to nothingness, and now I wonder why they used to be able to bug me so much with merely a presence, or a paragraph of words. Those times which I hated the world, I truly did.

Today was good with Stephy, Dionne, Charles, Wilson, Ernest and Henson. I feel my life burstling with fun and laughter once again. May all my ordeals be gone for good this time round. Party World session with the TP boys at night was an additional bonus. You people rocks my socks!

* YES, THE WORLD IS SMALL WITH JUV AROUND. :)

2007-01-17T22:46:00.000+08:00

Now, call me baby once again. Embrace me, your damsel in distress. Fondle my cheek with your touch, so soft. And through the blowing winds, sweep my hair out of my face. 'Hush im here, now close your eyes' you say. I smile, a gentle smile to slumber. Pure bliss. Every now and then. Hours, minutes and seconds. You, are missed.

-Baby, Im Sorry

2007-01-17T21:30:00.000+08:00

Fill in every question and don't post w/o filling in every blank with at least a word.

1. Never in my life have I: smoked a puff

2. The last person I kissed was: baby gloria

3. The one person who can drive me nuts, but then always manage to make me smile: baby gloria

4. The high school I go to is: fuhua

5. When I'm nervous: i fidget a lot

6. The last time I cried was: 2 weeks ago

7. My hair: is BLACK

8. When I was 5, I: had my pretty mane to my hip

9. My Christmas last year: was the most unmemorable

10. When I turn my head to my right, I see: my BAGS galore

11. I should be: asleep

12. When I look down I see: my tiny size 4 feet

13. The craziest recent event was: that i got accepted as a ballet teacher

14. By this time next year: i should be happy in Aussie

15. I love: the way i am

16. I have a hard time understanding: stupid and selfish people

17. One time at a family gathering: we got complain for being too noisy

18. You know I like you if: i can't take my eyes off you

19. Take my advice: if you come to me for 1

20. My ideal breakfast is: serve with lotsa love

21. If you visit the place I grew up: you'll probably envy me

22. Soon I plan on visiting: my granny

23. If you spend the night at my house: you'll probably not get to sleep

24. The world could do without: emo-ness, pain and tears

25. The most recent thing I bought: 'Bonds That Make Us Free'

26. My favourite brunette is: myself hehe

27. The animals I would like to see flying besides birds are: puppies, bunnies and kittens

28. Last night I: received 3 consecutive phonecalls from 3 different ex-bfs

29. My birthday is on: 1st feb every year

30. Tomorrow I will be: still the same old juv

2007-01-15T22:58:00.000+08:00

LOVE your enemies.
BLESS those who curse you.
DO GOOD to those who hate you.
PRAY for those who spitefully use and persecute you.

Its really amazing how some friendships can spring so randomly yet blossom so beautifully.

2007-01-13T01:59:00.000+08:00

It's terrifying how someone can look you in the eyes with numerous promises of love, then be the one you witness with your very own burning pupils, stabbing you right in the back with a silent, brutal flash of steel.

If only, if only friends will never stray. Perhaps I am to blame, for being a drifter as labelled. Too many cliques, and I can't keep up, thus eliciting unspoken goodbyes. I always knew there would be an insurmountable price to pay. Still, that doesn't make this loss hurt any less. Is this destined? How many people have I loved and lost, and how many more do I have left to love, and to lose?

My throat is so bruised it hurts so much everytime I swallow. Why do we need to swallow so often? The flu and cough's not helping things either.

*Pardon me. For the random-ness.

2007-01-11T23:22:00.000+08:00

2007-01-10T22:21:00.000+08:00

If you get there before I do, don't give up on me.
I'll meet you when my chores are through, I don't know how long I'll be.
But I'm not gonna let you down, darling wait and see.
And between now and then till I see you again, I'll be loving you, love me.

2007-01-09T23:46:00.000+08:00

If you gave me a pound.
For every moment I that missed.
And all the lips I shouldn't kissed.
I'd be a millionaire.

*flying planes mistaken for shooting stars

2007-01-08T23:20:00.000+08:00

I ain't oblivious.
Neither callous.
But time is not ripe.
Our hearts still not right.
Im left with no choice.
Except to do this.
Wait for me.
I wish i could be sooner.
Still it takes time.
Have faith in me.
You know it won't be long.
Before i get there.
Just give me a sign.
If you still long to be mine.

* An end marks the beginning of a new life.

2007-01-08T23:16:00.000+08:00

'Poor communication is the single biggest reason why situations between men and women fail.'

2007-01-07T20:42:00.000+08:00

I grab every adventure that comes my way, but it's never enough. There's always something even more exciting and wonderful just up ahead, out of reach. I'm terrified at what might happen if I stop chasing after the next thrill.

When I listen to mp3s on my Ipod, I'd switch songs incessantly till I find one I like. After listening for the first minute, I'd move on to another, and the routine continues, until the end of the train ride. I've always wondered why I never managed to finish an entire song, then I realised. I'm afraid I would miss a better one I might enjoy even more, one which might lie just right ahead. But what I never learnt was that I might just skip past the best one in my quest for the perfection.

What we can't get will always be the best. What we do get might not be perfect. What we've lost are but past now. The important thing is to cherish those in front of you. They are your full marks.

More than a couple of people have lectured me on this, that I always want what I can't have. Then, I yearn, I chase, and sometimes I fight for it. I forgot, I overlooked what I have, and I imagine I'll be so happy and contented once I claim my prize. End of the day, I do get what I want. Eventually. But I'd lose what really matters the most. The best things I missed out on, that I'll never have again. And the sad, but ironic thing is, most of the time, I'd lose interest once I've gained my trophy. The vicious cycle repeats like a circle, again and again.

I don't want to reiterate my mistakes.

And end up the one in pain with no one else but myself to blame, once again.

2007-01-07T01:23:00.000+08:00

Take deep breaths, think happy thoughts.

I wish I could catch a glimpse of a shooting star.

Wouldn't it be nice to make a wish upon the universal symbol of hope and faith?

Yes, yes I know, I can be a hopeless romantic sometimes.

Funfacts, anyone?

Every night's another story.

And I've an announcement to make, upon the velvety expanse of the navy heavens tonight.

Rebirth.

Hello Juvina, welcome to the world.

2007-01-02T22:29:00.000+08:00

Sisters' Day Out!

dimsum, kbox & japanese cuisine.
good people+good food=good day
thanks mommy! =)

2007-01-02T00:16:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE!

I'm too jaded, or maybe simply too lazy to fill in resolutions and promises which I probably won't keep for more than a couple of weeks anyway.

Sorry for the cynicism. I'm feeling a little worldly, a weebit weary too. It's incredulous how people can be so close, and a couple of months later, they have barely two words to say to each other. Whatever happened to the promises of everlasting friendship and support, love, even?

Don't try figuring out who it's going out to. Doesn't really matter. Okay, thats meant to be a general statement.

I miss my old town crowd more than I can ever fathom why. But whatever too.

*Would they hear me, if I call their names?
Im still waiting.
Please come home soon.

2006-12-31T12:14:00.000+08:00

Happy 18th Birthday Sam!
LOVE you for being there for me 101% of the time.
LOVE you for all the late-night phonecalls and texts.
LOVE you whenever you assure me with 'If you need me, im here'.
LOVE you for the BIG hugs you give me.
LOVE you because you are the BESTEST bgf in the world.

2006-12-29T22:45:00.000+08:00

I've been getting more than a couple of calls and texts.
Overwhelming me with gratitute.
Giving me a new lease of life.
Im fine.
Like really, totally.
Thank you people!

*Argh.. i sprained my ankle.

2006-12-27T21:21:00.001+08:00

'What if one day the only guy that can stop you from crying, makes you cry?'

There was a time when I felt, that nobody stays in love anymore. Then things took a turn. Everyone's in a relationship! Now, I see more than a handful emo, upset, break-up nicknames.

*SIGHS*

I've learnt to give and graciously too, not just receieve without reciprocation. To make an effort, to try again and harder. To recognise my flaws, and do something about them. To accept that nobody's perfect, to forgive.

Sometimes I wonder whether this change is making me a better person, or simply a fool wrapped around a finger. But I've decided to push negativity aside, and instead work on being a stronger human being. Strong, but not stupid. Still, I failed.

Sleep has been littered with insomnia, but it is not uncommon, rather a childhood trait, but lately, scary dreams has been haunting. There was a period of time when I did have nightmares on a nightly basis but it was a while ago.

And I remember last night, when I couldn't fall asleep at 4+, I was afraid to sleep, afraid of another nightmare, but I forced myself to. Daunting dreams of similar nature, being eaten by sharks, with such clarity and precision of details they alarm and terrorize me.

Help. Help.

Being happy comes with a price. The perpetual fear that eventually, all this will go away. There's no point in worrying, there's only embracing the present, while it lasts.

Sometimes I wonder, if love has been downgraded to a mere carnal act. And also I ponder, why does the suffering always seem to fall on the females.

I should be solving this whole issue in a more mature way, but sometimes, even the best of us choose to settle for the easy way out. Clarification, you do not repulse me. Neither do I harbour the slightest resentment towards you.

It's been a while since I felt this emo-ness. Let tonight be the finale of this helpless, incessant cascading of fallen tears. Please..

take my heart, take my soul
so take my life, i don't need it anymore

2006-12-25T23:01:00.000+08:00

Finally got my pretty pair of patent heels from Mondo.

2006-12-22T13:16:00.000+08:00

'Why men don't have a clue and women always need more shoes?'

2006-12-06T19:58:00.000+08:00

THINK BEFORE YOU COMPLAIN

Before you complain about the taste of your food.
Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your spouse.
Think of someone who's longing for a companion.

Before you complain about life.
Think of someone who went too early to heaven.

Before you complain about your children.
Think of the people who desire children but are barren.

Before you complain about your dirty house.
Think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before you complain about your job.
Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job.

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another.
Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker.

2006-12-06T19:52:00.000+08:00

Thoughts change when status changes.
There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she's blind.
She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend.
He's always there for her.
She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend.
One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she can see everything, including her boyfriend.
Her boyfriend asked her, "Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?"
The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend is blind too, and refused to marry him.
Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her.
He said, "Just take care of my eyes, dear."

2006-12-02T01:21:00.000+08:00

SCANDALOUS

My poor Sam sandwiched between the 2 closet faggots.

2006-11-28T13:56:00.000+08:00

I took the sweet life, I never knew I'll be bitter from the sweet.
You tore my paperheart and now its bleeding.
I wasn't asking for the world.

2006-11-26T20:08:00.000+08:00

Pretty things up for grabs!

Too pretty for you to resist?
Stocks are limited, grab them before them are gone.
So what are you waiting for?
Head down to http://www.top-fashionista.blogspot.com/ NOW!

2006-11-21T14:32:00.000+08:00

OUCH!

Im back, blogging again.
Like finally.
Chalet was good.
Got to experience the first fall in my life.
Fell off the bike.
Swear never to do that stunt again.
My injuries are not too icky now.
Praying there wun be any scars left behind.
Im getting much better.
But it still hurts when I shower.
Serve me right!

2006-11-16T10:56:00.000+08:00

Caught the movie Step Up with the 3 musketeers.
Rx, Jj & Ws.
It was a good one.

I think I should start hula-hoop-ing.
And I want that Fishing Game.
Yeah, thats about it. :)

2006-11-12T19:46:00.000+08:00

My wardrobe is bursting and therefore I am putting up some of my own items for sale.

#1 Pink Flower Brooch

#2 Aqua Blue Oceanic Necklace

#3 Glamorous Orange Brooch

#4 Simple Black Necklace

#5 Lacy Pink Camisole Forever21

#6 Brown Babydoll Top Fox

#7 Knitted Turtle-neck Top Jennyfer

#8 Yellow Halter-neck 37degrees

#9 Orange Top With Rainbow Stripes B.U.M.

#10 Flower Hair Band

#11 Star Bracelet Guess?

#12 Butterfly Necklace Accessorize

Like my items?

Do quote a reasonable price and email me.

The highest bidder wins and the early bird gets the worm.

So hurry!

2006-11-07T21:34:00.000+08:00

Im utterly worn out.

Lethargy is engulfing me as a whole.

I wonder where had all the time in the world gone to?

I let them slipped through my fingers.

What on earth have I been doing these days?

I am sick of being told to be who i am not.

To be misunderstood and not appreciated.

Am I still not trying hard enough?

My efforts have never once been reciprocate.

Are they even distinct?

Apparently not.

I will be plain dumb to go on slogging.

Every time it hurts, something starts to die away.

No more false hopes.

We are not getting anywhere.

Too many obstacles.

Yet not trying hard enough.

I am missing the good old times.

Times i was extravagant, pampered, unreasonable yet happy at the least.

No commitments. No obligations. No restrictions.

As happy as a lark.

You are not aware.

Just desert me.

Let me be unwanted.

Jess said 'FUCK IT & GIVE UP!'

Seriously I think I should.

'It is better to lose your pride to the one you love, than to lose the one you love because of pride.'

I wun ever buy that.

Sorry but I am still me.

And Juvina never ever cries.

Please keep that in mind.

*If an apology was all you wanted from me, there you go, 'I am so SORRY'.

2006-11-01T17:35:00.000+08:00

Please support my online shopping blog at http://www.top-fashionista.blogspot.com!

Some pictures of pretty clothes i have there:

Girls out there, how can you resist these?

From bags to bottoms, tops to belts.

You name it we have it.

And we have beautiful dresses exclusively for this preorder.

3 good reasons why you should patronize us:

We provide exclusive home delivery service.
Our prices are reasonable and definitely one of the lowest you can find around.
Our goods are guaranteed of good quality.

So please head down to http://www.top-fashionista.blogspot.com/ now!

2006-10-31T13:03:00.000+08:00

Hey people, sorry for the lack of entries.

I have been rather busy lately setting up my shopping blog.

And now it is officially up.

Please kindly support me.

http://www.top-fashionista.blogspot.com

:D

2006-10-24T09:12:00.000+08:00

Some random pictures.
Cute & interesting.

I was an arm-length from the accident.

Jonas. My 'shy' cousin.

Gerald. I have no idea what my cousin is doing.

Okay, that is me.

Alien? Animal? Spaceship?

Condom at SP's stairs.

Cher w/o the head.

2006-10-21T17:56:00.000+08:00

7 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME:

my toenails are pedicured all the time
i spend most of my time sleeping when im bored
i regretted going to Singapore Poly
i love almost anything pink
im only 158 cm tall
i dun club or smoke, but im a social drinker
i suffer from severe shortsightedness

7 THINGS THAT SCARES ME:

my pair of sisters, Wendy & Felicia
blood
transvestities
guys crying
cherlene, when she sleeptalks
nightmares
crocodiles

7 FAVOURITE MUSIC AT THE MOMENT:

Merril Bainbridge - Mouth
Dreamz FM - Bu Zhi De
Daniel Beddingfield - Never Gonna Leave Your Side
Emiko Shiratori - Melodies Of Life
Britney Spears - Toxic
Groove Coverage - Little June
5ive - Closer To Me

7 PEOPLE I FANCY:

boy
cherlene
both my ah mas
gloria
isabelle
myself:)

7 THINGS I SAY MOST:

HUH?
fuck
What?!
Shut up
i dun know
okay
i will call you back later

7 THINGS I LIKE MOST:

my family & loved ones
singing ktv
manicure & pedicure sessions
my bed
my wardrobe
chocolates
suprises!

2006-10-11T13:46:00.000+08:00

The murderers.

2006-10-11T00:47:00.000+08:00

Cher & my conversation:

C H E R L E N E ~ VF says:
tell u smtg
C H E R L E N E ~ VF says:
lol
j u v i eee if looks can kill, you'll be a murderer. says:
yes?
C H E R L E N E ~ VF says:
im a murderer
C H E R L E N E ~ VF says:
lol
j u v i eee if looks can kill, you'll be a murderer. says:
lol..tell you smth too..
C H E R L E N E ~ VF says:
?
j u v i eee if looks can kill, you'll be a murderer. says:
actually im also 1
C H E R L E N E ~ VF says:
oh oh
j u v i eee if looks can kill, you'll be a murderer. says:
WAHAHAHA
j u v i eee if looks can kill, you'll be a murderer. says:
lol
C H E R L E N E ~ VF says:
how come we didnt kill each other
C H E R L E N E ~ VF says:
ahh
C H E R L E N E ~ VF says:
i know
C H E R L E N E ~ VF says:
same species thrive tgt

Okay, lame.
Good Night!

PS: If you do not get it, notice my msn nick.

2006-10-10T23:51:00.000+08:00

It was a day out with Cherlene to Chinatown.

Lunch was satisfying.

Shopped around while waiting for Rx & Ws to finish work.

Had dinner together then went for some booze and a game of pool at 'Jupiter'.

We took lots of pictures.

Cher & I were cartoon today:

They love me:

Unstated glam. =)

Now i have got a hot pink cover for my n70.
Thank you Rx boy!

2006-10-09T11:53:00.000+08:00

Dearest Samini,
It is heartbreaking to know that you had left us. I know it has been hard on you to go through so much pain and suffering. And you had been really strong to fight the battle for so long. I pray that you will rest in peace and depart to somewhere else better. I will never forget the good times we once had together as a family. We will miss you.
Juvina

2006-10-09T11:12:00.000+08:00

Finally caught the movie 'Rob-B-Hood' at Bugis on saturday.

With the 7 dwarfs, Jess & Esther.

Headed to C.A.N Cafe after that.

Nice ambience. Recommended.

Played games, took turns to sip on the drinks we mixed.

Fries, chocolate cake, vodka, green tea, milkshakes, ice-cream, chilli & ketchup sauces, etc all jumbled up.

Yucks. Good thing i was lucky that night.

Didn't manage to touch the drinks.

The game became more challenging and we had to do this:

Spideman. Not too bad.

Moulin Rouge. Nice try.

We have people pole-dancing & french-kissing too!

Left the place and loitered the night away.

Next was MacDonald's breakfast at Liang Court.

Lots of clubbers from MOS of the previous night.

Encountered something very unsightly.

I really hate girls who make a fool out of themselves when drunk without even realising it at all.

You people are such a disgrace.

If you can't drink. Don't.

2006-10-04T14:08:00.000+08:00

Happy 18th Birthday To Sheryl Dear!

Besties. Juv, Cher & Sher.

10 things i love about my girls:
Love the noises we make.
Love gossiping over supper.
Love making fun of one another.
Love the sleepover sessions.
Love our crazy ideas.
Love the late night phone calls.
Love our favourite hot fudge brownie.
Love exchanging hugs and kisses.
Love every moment we get together.
Love you two like nuts.

*You girls rock my world.=)

2006-10-04T13:18:00.000+08:00

I got to know myself better.

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

The Real You

1.You've got great self-confidence and you're full of charm. Most guys who get to know you will be attracted to you. You are far from sweet and proper; your intriguing personality fascinates them. Most guys find it easy to fall for a girl like you.

2.You really care about other people's feelings and are quite serious about the issues that affect your life. You are sincere, and your concern for the well-being of others makes many people want to be your friend.

3.You are a bright, cheerful and bubbly person. You are thoughtful and considerate, and like to have fun. Everybody feels comfortable around you because of your pleasant nature. When you walk into a room, people's eyes are likely to be drawn to you because of your charm.

4.Your peers think of you as a fun person, but sometimes you can be a little irresponsible. You can be somewhat childish, and can try to ignore the fact that you will one day need to really grow up and be a mature adult! Perhaps you could start reading good books; they might help you look at the world in a different light. You do want to be taken seriously, right?

5.Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.

2006-10-03T13:17:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY SAM!

I travelled all the way to Pasir Ris.

Had celebration at Sakura restaurant at Downtown East.

There were Jessica, the 7 dwarfs (Sam, SY, JH, Sebas, Pinky, Shawn & Rx boy) and I.

Then we caught 'Stay Alive' at Tampines Mall.

Jess and I missed the last train home.

So no choice but to cab home all the way to Jurong.

We chatted and were home in no time.

The night out with the guys was of so much fun!

Something nice we made.

The table full of our leftovers with Shawn in the background.

2006-10-02T00:54:00.000+08:00

My presents from Mr Millionaire, also known as, Rx boy.

Perfumes from Ralph Lauren, Kenzo, Gucci, Escada, Lancome, Giorgio Armani, Estee Lauder & YvesSaintLaurent etc.

Lancome products.

Clarins from Paris.

Biotherm skincare.

SK-II & Dior.

Lipglosses. My favourite.

Beauty products enough to last me for the rest of my life!

Thank you boy.

Love you to bits & pieces.

=)

2006-09-25T09:48:00.000+08:00

Okay I am so fuming mad right now.
I just got insulted by a Malaysian that my English is lousy.
You people shall judge it for yourself.

JUVINA'S VERY OWN JOKE OF THE DAY!
RATED:*****
MUST READ!

My conversation with that Malaysian:

damn worry n sad. anything just nudge me.pls dun nudge n speak nonsense . y suddenlly thing all change!!!!! says:
i just add you

damn worry n sad. anything just nudge me.pls dun nudge n speak nonsense . y suddenlly thing all change!!!!! says:
cause want to be frenm

damn worry n sad. anything just nudge me.pls dun nudge n speak nonsense . y suddenlly thing all change!!!!! says:
can be fren or not de??

[j u v i eee] our love is simple says:
okay..aren't we friends now?

damn worry n sad. anything just nudge me.pls dun nudge n speak nonsense . y suddenlly thing all change!!!!! says:
where r you from fr??

[j u v i eee] our love is simple says:
as in?

damn worry n sad. anything just nudge me.pls dun nudge n speak nonsense . y suddenlly thing all change!!!!! says:
as in? what is that meaning

[j u v i eee] our love is simple says:
never mind

damn worry n sad. anything just nudge me.pls dun nudge n speak nonsense . y suddenlly thing all change!!!!! says:
as = alor star??

[j u v i eee] our love is simple says:
huh..whats that?

damn worry n sad. anything just nudge me.pls dun nudge n speak nonsense . y suddenlly thing all change!!!!! says:
where you stay???

[j u v i eee] our love is simple says:
jurong

[j u v i eee] our love is simple says:
you?

damn worry n sad. anything just nudge me.pls dun nudge n speak nonsense . y suddenlly thing all change!!!!! says:
penang

damn worry n sad. anything just nudge me.pls dun nudge n speak nonsense . y suddenlly thing all change!!!!! says:
state pls

damn worry n sad. anything just nudge me.pls dun nudge n speak nonsense . y suddenlly thing all change!!!!! says:
jurong is in what state??

[j u v i eee] our love is simple says:
singapore

damn worry n sad. anything just nudge me.pls dun nudge n speak nonsense . y suddenlly thing all change!!!!! says:
i;m from malaysia la

[j u v i eee] our love is simple says:
eh..okay

damn worried n sad. anything just nudge me.pls dun nudge n speak nonsense . y suddenlly thing all change!!!!! says:
so free ma??

[j u v i eee] our love is simple says:
free?

damn worried n sad. anything just nudge me.pls dun nudge n speak nonsense . y suddenlly thing all change!!!!! says:
yaya

[j u v i eee] our love is simple says:
as in?

damn worried n sad. anything just nudge me.pls dun nudge n speak nonsense . y suddenlly thing all change!!!!! says:
lol

damn worry n sad. anything just nudge me.pls dun nudge n speak nonsense . y suddenlly thing all change!!!!! says:
how old r you

[j u v i eee] our love is simple says:
18

damn worry n sad. anything just nudge me.pls dun nudge n speak nonsense . y suddenlly thing all change!!!!! says:
o..

damn worry n sad. anything just nudge me.pls dun nudge n speak nonsense . y suddenlly thing all change!!!!! says:
same as me

[j u v i eee] our love is simple says:
ok

damn worry n sad. anything just nudge me.pls dun nudge n speak nonsense . y suddenlly thing all change!!!!! says:
what r you doing now a day>>

[j u v i eee] our love is simple says:
huh?

[j u v i eee] our love is simple says:
sorry i really dun get you

damn worry n sad. anything just nudge me.pls dun nudge n speak nonsense . y suddenlly thing all change!!!!! says:
what r you doing

damn worry n sad. anything just nudge me.pls dun nudge n speak nonsense . y suddenlly thing all change!!!!! says:
study or working

damn worry n sad. anything just nudge me.pls dun nudge n speak nonsense . y suddenlly thing all change!!!!! says:
you're singaporean??

[j u v i eee] our love is simple says:
yes i am, a pure singaporean

[j u v i eee] our love is simple says:
im schooling

damn worry n sad. anything just nudge me.pls dun nudge n speak nonsense . y suddenlly thing all change!!!!! says:
cause you seen like not singaporean le

damn worry n sad. anything just nudge me.pls dun nudge n speak nonsense . y suddenlly thing all change!!!!! says:
singaporean de ppl very fluent in english de lo

[j u v i eee] our love is simple says:
well anything you say..but i got an a1 for my 'o'level english

damn worry n sad. anything just nudge me.pls dun nudge n speak nonsense . y suddenlly thing all change!!!!! says:
wah so great lo

[j u v i eee] our love is simple says:
definitely

damn worry n sad. anything just nudge me.pls dun nudge n speak nonsense . y suddenlly thing all change!!!!! says:
so fears

damn worry n sad. anything just nudge me.pls dun nudge n speak nonsense . y suddenlly thing all change!!!!! says:
fierce***

[j u v i eee] our love is simple says:
anyway..the 'worry' in your nick is supposed to be 'worried' instead =)

The next thing i know, he immediately went offline.
So tell me people, is my English really that lousy?
Or the other way round?

2006-09-24T21:57:00.000+08:00

Accompanied my ah ma to visit my little cousin Gloria at her new house today and brought her for gymnastic class.

And i have so many pictures of her:

She is just so cute.

After her makeover.

Gloria & I. Cousins.

Enjoyed myself thoroughly today.

But school is starting.

Boring.

2006-09-24T10:08:00.000+08:00

What on earth is your motive for doing all these?

If you think whatever you have done has successfully gotten back at me, I am so sorry to disappoint you.
Because I cannot really be bothered with people like you who has got nothing better to do other than making something of out nothing at all.
Nothing has changed, my friends are still my friends and you still have no friends.
Sad for you.
And if you are not going to change, you will just continue being a sad story for the rest of your life.
No one despises you, you made yourself worthless.
Whatever we are doing is none of your concern, you are out of the league long ago.
For goodness sake, leave my friends alone.
You should know they will not play along with you.
We just laughed it off.
This episode has been long over.
So please, get on with your own life.

I will pray for you, if only you want to save yourself.

2006-09-23T23:12:00.000+08:00

Day out with Rx boy, Cher & Paul.

Spend the day with Rx boy, Cher & Paul at Marina Square.

Cher & I bought a similar pullover from Topshop, red for her & fuchsia for me. =)

Nice, i like.

Had dinner at Sizzler.

Spicy chicken, ribeye steak, red wine & ice-cream.

Damn satisfying & sinful.

$104 in total!

The guys paid, so it was not too bad.

Haha, but Cher & i made ice-cream for them.

To: Juv girl & Cher ger

From: Rx boy & Paul boi

Message: You girls know we love you!:)

That was the guys' dedication to us. So sweet of them.

Thanks boys, Cher & I love you guys too!

I just love today.

2006-09-22T17:06:00.000+08:00

I thought this was really cute.

2006-09-22T13:13:00.000+08:00

Hungry but lazy.

My sister and i were famished but didn't want to step out the house.

So we order Canadian Pizza for lunch.

We had:
JUMBO CHICKEN WINGS (5 pcs)
PARTY PLATTER:
Crispy Seaweed Rolls
Vegetable Springrolls
Samosa
Seafood Dumplings
Cheese Sticks
SHEPHERD'S PIE

Our leftovers for our youngest sis.

The bill totalled up to $22.10 and it was my treat.

So full! =)

2006-09-22T00:00:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 18 th BIRTHDAY JAGDISH!

Sorry i couldn't attend your party but still all the best to you!
Thanks for being there for me during the hard times.
Thanks for all the late-night sms-es, jokes and teases.
Thanks for being such a great friend.

2006-09-21T23:23:00.000+08:00

We had nothing to do.

Had dinner with Rx boy, Cher & Paul.

We were so bored so we headed to Toys 'R' Us and ended up doing this:

Cher's & Paul's

Rx boy's & mine

We had fun and more fun. =)

2006-09-21T15:16:00.000+08:00

Pity me people.

Because i hurted my foot very badly.

Just look at these:

Pretty pedicure with my ugly wounds.

Ouch!

All thanks to my pair of heels.
Hereby, i swore never to step out of the house without a decent pair of shoes in future.

2006-09-20T23:05:00.000+08:00

20 facts about GUYS.
1. Guys hate sluts.
2. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
3. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.
4. Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him.
5. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest.
6. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.
7. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they're still loved.
8. Don't talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend.
9. Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.
10. Guys are more emotional than they'd like people to think.
11. Girls are guys' weaknesses.
12. Guys are very open about themselves.
13. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
14. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships.
15. Guys will brag about anything.
16. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful. If a guy uses that, he likes you.
17. No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key.
18. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.
19. Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much.
20. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.

2006-09-18T21:15:00.000+08:00

For attractive lips, speak words of kindess.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you will never walk alone.
People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; never throw out anyone.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself and the other for helping others.

2006-09-18T20:31:00.000+08:00

A tribute to my all-time bestie.

My dear girl finally pierced her navel after yearning to do it for so long.
I wonder when i will have the courage to do so like her.
All i can say is that, you are so brave Cher!
Can't wait to see you again.
This entry shall be my tribute to you.

MOMO JOJO FOREVER!

Girl you have rocked my world & will always do. =)

2006-09-17T17:58:00.000+08:00

Saturday

Woke up an excited girl this morning. Met up with Rx boy and headed to the Zoo. I remembered the last time i was there was like ages ago when i was in primary school. The place changed so much over the years. Now they have got 'Ben & Jerry's' and 'Cheers' at the entrance. Good.

Entrance fee for 1 person is like $15, so expensive! Not very worth it i should say. We were there so early, there was barely any crowd. A pity we were too lazy to take pictures. Some stupid things we did; attempting to sneak up the tram w/o paying, cursing & screaming at the animals & buying a 500ml bottle of ice mountain for freaking $2!!!

Walked around till our feets died. The animal show was the most entertaining section of the entire trip. And ya, we saw more zoo-keepers than visitors! We left slightly after noon for my ah ma's house. That was when more visitors started coming in. Introduced Rx boy to my ah ma. Chatted and laughed. Ate like pigs when we were there. Satisfying meal.

Next was kbox session with Sam, Jess & Nelson at JEC. Sang and laughed the night away. I only remember myself eating lots of tibits. Rx boy sent me home around home around 2 am. Slept soundly in my bed while Rx boy camped at my poolside.

Never had such a long day for ages. Very tired yet very happy still though we ate & spent so much. =D

WE WERE DEAD TIRED!

Us, taking a nap before the animal show.

2006-09-16T01:12:00.000+08:00

Am i so hard to please?
Or perhaps im not trying hard enough to please you.
Right, im being the unreasonable old Juv again.
Guess i will not ever change.
Because that is me.
So upset & tired.
Looking forward to my Zoo trip tomorrow.
And school is reopening in 1 week time.
Okay, boring.
And i cannot sleep.
Who cares though.
Good night.

2006-09-15T15:31:00.000+08:00

Tired but happy.

My mum has been nagging at me for ages to pack my table.

Finally after so long, i had the sudden urge to do so today.

Lucky her.

I have lots of pictures to showcase my range of collections.

Girly stuffs = cosmetics + accessories. =)

Cosmetics.

Lip products. Yum!

My manicure set.

Earrings.

Same shape. Different sizes.

Pretty rubberbands.

Pendants.

Bangles & bracelets.

My rings. My favourite.

All my accessories in cute boxes.

My neat little table after packing.
So proud of my hardwork.

Okay i know im a lucky girl.

Don't be jealous.

2006-09-15T00:27:00.000+08:00

Love like you have never been hurted.
Dance like no one is watching.
Sing like no one is listening.
Live like today is the last.

Went all the way to NUS with Rx boy & Wei Sheng to met Sam for dinner. Had prata but im still so hungry now. Headed to Jp after that for a pool session. I finally got to see Jasmine after so long! My legs are aching for no apparent reason, been walking too much i guess. Right, time to sleep now. Good night.

I am happy everyday. =)

2006-09-14T00:11:00.000+08:00

I saw this.
I want this.
And i know it is going to be mine.
Cyber-shot® DSC-T10 .

2006-09-12T13:54:00.000+08:00

3 easy steps to get a girl.

1. Show a girl that you're caring and senstive towards her.

2. Show her that you are willing to sacrifice and do anything for her.

3. Show her your dreams and tell her your ambition.

4. And she is yours. =)

2006-09-11T20:42:00.000+08:00

Latest masterpiece by Wei Yee aka Tomato Queen.

Rotten tomato.
Oreo cookie crumbs.
Whipped cream.
Ice-cream scoop.
Fork & knife.
On chopping board.

History created by Wei Yee once again.

Lol.

Yeah right, i admit i was bored.

2006-09-07T15:04:00.000+08:00

Just felt like posting this picture. =)

Isabelle & me.
Isn't she cute?

2006-09-06T02:46:00.000+08:00

Happy belated birthday to Sister Ann!

Met up with Rx boy, his mum & Uncle Alvin at Raffles Place.

I was so late.

Sorry people!

Cabbed down to Parkway Parade to meet the rest of Rx boy's family.

Met up with his 2nd sis Ann, eldest sis Zoe, brother-in-law Terrence & niece Isabelle.

Shopped around, the place changed so much.

We had steamboat for dinner, so satisfying.

Headed to Kbox right after.

Everyone was so enthusiastic.

Sang, joked & laughed the night away.

Tired but a happy girl once again.

If only everyday can be this fun.

Ann the hottie & Isabelle the cutie

Our group photo at Kbox

Durian cake from Angie The Choice

Me with Sister Ann

Got lots of stuffs to do, tonight shall be a sleepless night again. =D

Good night people!

2006-09-05T14:52:00.000+08:00

I'm one happy girl today. =)

Sadness had been close as my next of kin
Then Happy came one day
And chased my blues away
My life began when Happy smiled
Sweet like candy to a child
Stay here and love me just a while
Let Sadness see what Happy does
Let Happy be where Sadness was
Happy, that's you
You made my life brand new
Lost as a little lamb was I till you came in
Where have I been?
What lifetime was I in?
Suspended between time and space
Lonely until Happy came smiling up at me
Sadness had no choice but to flee
I said a prayer so silently
Let Sadness see what Happy does
Let Happy be where Sadness was till now

2006-09-04T15:08:00.000+08:00

It is funny how the heart & mind work differently.
Sometimes, even scary.

2006-09-03T12:35:00.000+08:00

Friday

Met up with Dionne & Chye Hock. Dionne is a happy girl now! Did lots of catching up while waiting for Rx boy to get off work. Introduce Rx to Ch then we went separate ways to meet Rx's mum and Uncle Alvin. Then we went off to Party World at Oriental Plaza.

It was my first time there. Sang, laughed and had lots of fun. But the charges there were so unreasonable. And we took so many stupid pictures. The fun ended around 2 am and it was supper next. Ate nasi lemak, it was so good. So tired but it was worth. Cabbed back and straight to bed.

Party World +taxi fare + supper = a whooping $200!

Oh my god, and i actually paid nothing. =x

At Party World.
I have no idea what we were doing.

Uncle Alvin & Rx's mum.
So cosy.

Mr millionaire and his slutty secretary
(Rx boy & I)

2006-08-30T10:25:00.000+08:00

Woken up by a phone call.

Still dead tired.

Chatting with Cher while she is at work now.

Her boss is going to kill her.

Lol.

Im working at 12 later.

Going to get ready soon.

I'll be having dim sum dinner with Rx boy tonight.

Food, food & more food for us.

I just can't wait.

All right, im feeling lazy.

Bye, im off to work.

The 2 retards. As usual.

2006-08-28T15:22:00.000+08:00

Please stop bitching about me when you people got absolutely no idea what happened and what is going on. Thanks.

Anyway, im back on schedule people! Work was great with Vivie & Faruq this morning. I realised i missed out so much during my long 'leave'. I finally got my bonus.

Saw Haze, she told us that she is married. Like oh my god, but i think its true. And she looked gorgeous. Well, she said i changed so much.

Going out with my girls this thursday night, Vivie, Theresa, Cher & Amy. I just know we are going to have so much fun and more fun! Shall party all night long. All right, i seriously can't wait cause it has been so long.

Oh ya, my dearest Cher popped out from no where after my work earlier on and wanted me to go get shoes with her, scared the hell out of me. She bites (till you bleed, mind you). Her smelly shoes are at my house now.

I'll be out for dinner and movie for the night people.

Some random pictures for your viewing pleasure.

Felicia. My youngest sis.

Wendy. My younger sis.

Juvina. Me, myself & i.

And to you, thanks for making my days.
I do appreciate you, a lot.
Heard that?
You know who you are. =D

2006-08-25T11:56:00.000+08:00

Three cheers..

Today marks the end of mugging season for everybody.

And here comes the long-awaited holidays.

Anyway im meeting Hui Peng for Kbox later.

Lol, i can't wait.

Going to get ready, will blog again with pictures once i get back.

=)

2006-08-22T13:17:00.000+08:00

My all-time besties.

Dionne, Cherlene & Juvina.
My sugarcoated cheekycherry maltmelting cheddarcheesy mozirella pepperoni chocofudgy chillispicy mashymallow vodkalimey darling dearie besties.
Cheers to us.
6 years of friendship and still counting. =D

*Whoever you are, and whether you're going to admit it is you or not, thanks for the pack of ribena and panadol.

2006-08-21T21:40:00.000+08:00

Why do people feel especially lonely and sad when they are sick?

Well i hate this.

But at least exams are finally over.

We shouldn't have met up.

'We can fall in love all over again.' you said.

To me, it is impossible.

I do miss you, i do need you.

But i guess i just don't love you no more.

2006-08-21T21:30:00.000+08:00

Thank you, my guardian angel
Thank you, my friend
You've been there through my darkness
You'll be there to the end
You've dried my tears
You've given me hope
You've helped my heart to mend
Thank you, my guardian angel
Thank you, my friend

In times of deep despair
You helped me to pull through
If I am feeling strong
It's all due to you
You saved me once
You saved me twice
You saved me once again
Thank you, my guardian angel
Thank you, my friend

Sometimes we are fallen
And even angels fall too
We have to summon the strength
To help us pull on through
Sometimes we don't make it
Sometimes we lose heart
We need our redemption
We need a new start

Thank you, my guardian angel
For my second chance
I wanted to end it forever
Now I want to dance
You helped me to respect my life
With all the love you send
Thank you, my guardian angel
Thank you, my friend

2006-08-17T23:50:00.000+08:00

Happened to stumble upon a 'suicide letter' i wrote a few years back. Sounds a bit stupid & childish but it was rather well-written. Enjoy..

In life, you will encounter this point of time when everything seem to come to a standstill and you will start pondering Whats the real meaning of life? Why do we attend school instead of enjoying our childhood? Why are we slogging for good results during our teenage years? Why must we work so hard even after so many years of studies? Arent we supposed to be enjoying life instead? Many people strive so hard, not even knowing their purpose of life at the end of the day. Often, people waste their time on these unnecessary things. Life is supposedly full of happiness not sufferings. Life is so unfair. Why must bad things happen to good people? Why do some people have to die more tragically and earlier? Why do people get what they do not deserve? Why? Its such a shame.

Have you ever wondered why some people are able to summon their courage to end their own lives? Think, its not that easy. Depression is the most deadly weapon; it tortures its victims slowly before engulfing them as a whole eventually. The pain multiples everyday, people sank deeper into it and there is no way back. And you think counseling helps? You think care and concern make a difference? You are wrong. Ultimately, people fend for themselves. You think they really care about you? No, they do not. Perhaps they do, for the sake of nobility. We, the victims, we know. It hurts us more to know that no one cares and this adds on to our depression. People see us as introverts and anti-social freaks or even term us as mentally-unsound. But will they ever realize that deep down inside, we have so much of unspoken woes and sorrows. What we want is to voice them up and be freed from unhappiness.

You will never miss the waters until the rivers run dry. Its so utterly true, isnt it? People often take things for granted until they lose it. But its too late, now that you have realized the significance of it; it will no longer be there anymore. Treasure all your loved ones, because you will never know when you will need or lose them. Live life to the fullest and treat everyday like the last. And do not ever break the hearts that love you, once the trust is betrayed, nothing will be the same again. In life, you cannot be greedy as one will never be satisfy. Give more and expect less. Always put others before self, at least if you get hurt, accept it. But you will never know if others are able to take the pain.

I have spent almost my entire life waiting in vain. Its not right, its so wrong. Just what is going on? I do not know, perhaps life is made this way. Full of hardships and uncertainties to challenge the weak. Only the strongest will survive. And waiting often causes another form of depression oblivious to our knowledge. I have realized it and been through it, utterly horrible. If waiting earns you something in return, do be thankful. If otherwise occurs, do not be disheartened, keep trying. For me, I have waited in vain. It hurts countless times, but it is my choice and I voice no regrets.

Ask me, why am I writing all this? Let me tell you honestly, in case I was to leave without a trace someday. I just wish that someone will just happen to remember me, open this up and announce to the world what I have dedicated to you mankind. Lets pray that I will eventually summon all my courage to end my life someday. Bless me people. Reminisce your past sins and redeem them.

When I was around, no one noticed me. My contributions and existence was a naught. Perhaps when I am gone, people will come to realize that there was once this girl named Juvina around. A girl who used to be so cheerful and lovely, surrounded by friends and family, showered with love and care. Until a day she became neglected, when people started turning away thinking that she is strong enough to be on her own. Her world shattered into a million pieces, her life crumbled. She was overwhelmed by sadness and depression to no ones knowledge. She struggled to get through, it was so tough. It hurts but she held on, hoping for a miracle. There was no one but herself. She weakens and tried to seek help, but to no avail. Life was a killer, she was the victim. And eventually she cannot hold on much longer, she set her mind at ease and took her own life.

I want to be remembered as the filial daughter who once held excellent results and merits. The amiable and popular lass among my friends, loved by everyone I know.
Juvina was ordinary girl who wanted to lead a simple life like the others. But she loses control of her emotions and thoughts which later cost her precious little life. Was it worth? Maybe yes, maybe no. The only one thing that she knows is that, leaving this cruel world will free her from further insanity. She longs to depart to the paradise where happiness reigns for eternity.

Good bye juv..

Haha, that was then. Yawn, good night.

2006-08-17T00:01:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GABRIEL!

Hope i made it in time. =)

2006-08-16T11:56:00.000+08:00

I woke up this morning and realise the fact that i have so many babelicious friends and decided to showcase an array of pictures as a tribute to them. Here comes the pretty faces:

#1 Suyu.
My old time go-to-sch-together kaki.

#2 Amy.
My playtime best mate.

#3 Yiyan.
The girl-next-door.

#4 Julien.
The cute little ballerina.

#5 Cheryll.
Singapore's next top model.

#6 Janice.
My oh-so-hot blood-related auntie.
(yes, you heard me right.)

#7 Aiksan.
My old school senior aka school belle.

#8 Sheryl.
My all-rounder twin.

#9 Mabel.
My teddy bear friend.

#10 Cherlene.
My all-time bestie.

Enjoy viewing people! =)

2006-08-14T22:52:00.001+08:00

too tired to blog about anything..
but here's a photo for you guys. =)